i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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