My friends, they love my intelligence
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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