Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
