matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
