Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
