Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
