My hair reeks of homosexuality.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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