I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
