If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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