I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
