I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
