he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
