i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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