Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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