singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
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