He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
