Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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