put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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