tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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