textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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