I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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