I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
