Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
