I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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