I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
