i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
