dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
