the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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