we have pet lesbian snakes
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
