We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
