You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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