I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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