I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
