Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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