why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
