she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
