dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
