If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
