Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize