I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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