he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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