____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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