yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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