We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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