I think my fart just growled at me.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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