Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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