Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
