no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
