watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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