she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
