I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
are you so shy because you have an std?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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