I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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