went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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