everyone is single if you try hard enough
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Come share oat with me in your robe
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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