Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
