So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
