come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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