You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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