the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
