my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
