New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
