Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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