tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
