first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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