I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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